Ten Word Challenge
by purplefishcake
Summary: A challenge I'm attempting to do out of boredom. Details inside. Rated T just in case.
1. Rules

Hello there people reading this sentence at this very moment and I do not know.

I am planning to write chapters from ten or more words you send me in a review or a PM. Whichever works for you. It can be any word you want. Swear or not. But, it has to be in English! But, it's fine if you use words in other languages, but you have to give its meaning beside it in brackets.

Since this is fanfiction, and I love anime and I love Fullmetal Alchemist, I will be using the FMA characters! Don't you just love them?

Also, since script-like format are against 'FanFiction dot Net Content Guidelines', the chaps will be written in formats that are usually used in other fics. Whatever you call that kind of format.

Also, I'm warning you that the characters might be a bit OOC. Fine, a whole lot OOC. It depends on the words handed in and the strange ideas that pop in my mind every now and then.

That's basically it. Just send in ten or more words in a review or PM, whichever you prefer and I think I've enabled anonymous reviews. Er…Yeah. I've nothing more to say.


	2. CHALLENGE 1

CHALLENGE #1:

From: **peaceofmindalchemist**

Words: **Shoe, Rain, Cupholder, Cinderblock, Pencil, Milkshake, Snow, ****Toothpaste****,  
Hood, **and** Mouse**

It was a normal day in Central. A normal dayt rained cupholders. Our favourite Colonel was sitting behind his desk, signing his paperwork with a pencil instead of a pen because all of his pens had been eaten by his toothpaste earlier that morning. He sighed at his rotten luck.

Because of that incident, he had to call Lieutenant Hawkeye to kill the terrifying beast. She aimed for it's heart…only she didn't know where the heart was, so she made him drink a terrible-tasting milkshake made of cinderblocks and forced him to drink it and spit the milkshake at the toothpaste, hoping that it would've died from disgust.

"She must think that I'm a coward; being afraid of toothpastes. It's not my fault I had a terrible past involving toothpastes. It's not my fault that my parents forced toothpaste in my mouth to clean my teeth. Heck, why do we need toothpaste at all?" He muttered to himself and breaking the pencil he was holding.

Because of this strange past-time he called a 'terrible' past, he now had a trauma of toothpastes because he was afraid that it would clean his teeth.

He decided that he needed some air, so he left the office building to go for a walk. Riza stopped him from going any further. "Where do you think you're going, Sir? You haven't finished signing those documents yet. Also, there have been cases of people from Xing stealing random people's shoes and eating them. It would be much safer if you stayed in here for the time being, since you are useless in the rain."

"Lieutenant Hawkeye, have you not noticed that it is raining _cupholders_?" Roy asked, "I'm only useless in the rain."

Riza stared at him. He had just called himself useless. If only video cameras had been invented back then, I could have taped this and use it as blackmail evidence. "I'll come with you, then."

Roy nodded and they both went for a walk. As they stepped outside, a man with a robin-shaped hood bumped into them. "Ah, sorry!" He said before running off again.

"Stop that thief!" A man shouted somewhere nearby, throwing a mouse at the man with the robin-shaped hood in front of him.

Roy stopped the man from running long enough to get his attention. "Why are you chasing after that man? Ooh! Is that your daughter I see over there?" Roy asked.

"Sir, I'd rather you just shut up and let me do the questioning." Riza said.

"Geez, Lieutenant, cut a guy some slack for once!"

"No. Shut up and admire those ants on the ground."

Roy sulked and did what she said. Soon, he found an interest in staring at ants.

Meanwhile, Riza was busy questioning the man who was throwing mice at her.

"So, what actually happened between you two?" Riza asked.

"Well, the man with the hood stole my precious..." he started to cry at this moment, "…My precious…"

"Spit it out already!" Riza exclaimed, pointing her gun at him.

"HE STOLE MY PET FLY!"

Roy looked up from the _very_ interesting ants and exclaimed, "_You_ have a pet fly _too_?!"

Riza looked at her colonel. The man did too.

"We must save that fly this instant! Lieutenant, let's go right away!"

Riza stared at him and shook her head. "No, Sir. I'm not going to do something as pointless as that."

"But…" Roy began. Flashbacks of him and a fly appeared out of nowhere.

The man with the robin-shaped hood came back again, and extended his arm towards the other man. "You can have it back. I don't want it anymore. Flies are useless. I might as well do something productive like kidnapping ants."

Riza raised an eyebrow. "I agree with you on the part where flies are useless, but I think you are a complete idiot for thinking that kidnapping ants is a form of something productive."

"How dare you…" Roy said, getting angry for some apparent reason, "How dare you steal a fly and then return it and call it useless and plan on kidnapping ants!"

With that, Roy tried to burn him. Flames didn't appear out of nowhere as they usually do.

"I conclude that you are useless in any type of rain, whether it is liquid or not," concluded Riza.

**REVIEW!**


	3. CHALLENGE 2

**CHALLENGE #2**

From: **stabbythings**

Words: **Motivation**, **Short**, **Dogging,** **Favour**, **Gibberish**, **Irritation**, **Stealing**, **Angry**, **Hell **and **Aristocratic **

Ed slumped over his desk. He was doing paperwork Lieutenant Hawkeye had given him earlier that day. He could see why Roy hated it so much. It was very time-consuming and unimportant. Why does he need to do this again?

But, he has gotten used to it…Kind of. It was the same routine every time.

He would get a lead on the Philosopher's stone from a stranger who said that a person had seen it or possess it; travel to said place; get in a fight with someone for calling him short; get in a fight with a real bad guy who does not have a philosopher's stone; destroy his automail during the fight; drag his brother Al from poor dying kitties on the side of the road; tie Al together with a metal bar he always seems to escape from to make him stay away from the poor defenseless kitties; drag Al away from the kitties again; visit Winry; suffer from a cursed wrench that appears every time he visits her and throws at his head; be in a state of a coma; wake up from coma; suffer from the pain of Winry repairing his automail; drag Al back—again—from dying kitties he rescued while he was in a coma; dump the kitties somewhere no one would think of looking; go back to Central; drag Al away from kitties on another side of a road; do paperwork he received from Riza she got from who-knows-where describing his journey; ask her about where she got the paperwork from; fall asleep from her boring explanation; dump papers in Al's very convenient armor and, finally, FREEDOM from papers!!

He was on the part where he was doing paperwork from Riza. He thought of speeding up the routine for once. He hid the paperwork in Al's armor and he didn't ask her where she got it from. He has to admit: Al is a very good and handy carrying case. Not to mention free.

He began feeling sleepy. It was kind of strange. He had just drunk a cup of coffee a few minutes ago. It was supposed to be motivation for working faster. It was either that or having Black Hayate _go_ in your hand. Feeling confused, he asked Roy, since Al had disappeared somewhere (probably had gone to save kittens from their deaths again) and the others were concentrating on their work and he was afraid of bothering Riza. She might shoot him with her brand new bazooka she got from somewhere. He made a note to himself to ask her later.

He walked toward Roy. "Colonel, I must ask, why am I still feeling sleepy after the coffee I drank?"

"Hm…" Roy answered, putting his palm on his chin in a girly manner. "Maybe it has something to do with your size."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT A SPECK OF DUST COULD CRUSH HIM AND EAT HIM?!?!?!" Ed shouted.

"You," Roy answered simply. Ed started to get irritated. He was _not_ in the mood for jokes.

"Be serious here!"

"I am. It could have been because of your siza," Roy said. At this point, Ed's irritation grew and his anger grew as well. It grew beyond control.

He knew he couldn't hurt Roy because he was the colonel and the rest might think he was crazy for attempting to assassinate the colonel in front of military officers and would send him to the mental institute. _Again_. Ed's frown grew into a smirk. He couldn't hurt him physically, so he could only hurt him mentally.

But, you see, a man (Well, shrimp) could only do so much. He picked up a piece of candy he transmuted from a pen on the colonel's desk and dropped it on the ground. It was a good thing Roy didn't notice. If he did, he could've been sent to jail for stealing a worthless pen!

Then, he looked around. Jean Havoc was the least busy among them all. His stacks of papers were burning from his cigarette ash. One would wonder how the building was never on fire in the anime. He walked up to him and asked, "Do you mind doing me a favor?"

"Sure," he said, lighting another cigarette, "What can I do for you?"

Ed pointed to the piece of candy on the floor.

"Oh." Jean got up and walked toward it and picked it up.

"HEY!! WHY'D YOU PICK MY CANDY UP??!! ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL IT?!?!?! STEALING IS AGAINST THE LAW!!!"

Jean turned. "But you were the one who told me to pick it up!"

"NO! ALL I DID WAS POINT AT IT!!"

"Why'd you point at it, then?" By this time, they were shouting so loud that everyone on Earth could hear. Yes, even those little animals underground that is now deaf. They caused the animals' deafness. They were very lucky that animals did not have rights then. I know that because if they did, Black Hayate wouldn't have been shot over and over again by Riza and she, Ed and Jean would have to go to jail for crimes against animals.

"I WAS POINTING AT IT BECAUSE I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!!"

"About the candy?"

"OFCOURSE! IF I WAS NOT, WOULD I BE POINTING AT IT, YOU CIGRETTE FREAK?!?!"

"True," he said, ignoring Ed's rude remark, "So, what do you want me to do?"

"I WAS ABOUT TO TELL YOU!!"

Jean sighed. "Okay, then, I'll listen." Ed finally calmed down from his minute of blind rage.

"Look, see that piece of candy?" Jean nodded. "Wait for ants and kill them."

"Why?"

"Because I want to take revenge against the Colonel!"

"Why do I have to kill the ants then?"

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!"

Jean froze when he saw how scary Ed was when he was really angry.

Ed disappeared to find Al and take him away from the kitties against his will. In the meantime, Jean sat in his desk and forgotten the favour Ed asked of him.

When Ed came back with pieces of Al's armour in his hands, he saw that Jean had his back to the wall and Riza was in front of him, holding a revolver. He dropped the pieces of his brother on the floor.

'She must have found out my evil plan and is keeping Havoc away from the ants!' Ed thought. Since the lieutenant was busy, he might as well do the deed himself.

He ran to where the ants were and jumped on them. "DIE! DIE YOU SMALL-BRAINED MEANINGLESS CREATURES! DIE! GO TO HELL FOR ALL I CARE! YOU DESERVE IT FOR THINKING YOU'RE BIGGER THAN ME!! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

After two hours of ant-killing, Ed collapsed on the floor because, apparently, some of the ants knew how to perform alchemy and they used it to make themselves ten feet tall. Since they were now big, everyone could hear them talk. Save the animals that had become deaf from Ed's constant yelling. But all they did was talk in ant-language and it sounded gibberish. Only Roy knew what it they said. He was nodding his head over and over again like he understood them.

Soon, things grew out of control and the aristocratic party was forced to step in by a very angry Black Hayate who hadn't had been fed yet and Riza won't let him eat the ants. The ants killed the party and started a war.

The ants soon died from accidentally eating one of the kitties Al had saved and got killed by pieces of him because of it. (Al was in pieces when Ed found him. I'll explain what happened later on…Hopefully)

THE END

**A/N: Hehehe…That took longer than I expected but I've finished it ^^ So, the next chap will be posted at least one week after I get my next challenge, so please submit a few words! Also, sorry if Ed was OOC, I couldn't help it. Well, I could, but I want to try making a few characters OOC. It sounds fun ^^**


	4. Challenge 3

CHALLENGE #3

From: **My sis…**

Words: **Stupid, dorky, forgetful, kinship, Gemini, windows, worksheet, desk, baboon** and **bird**. (She's only 10 and I think she was trying to describe me with the first three words. It would definitely be something she would say to me…)

Scar sat on a wooden box in a deserted alley. Why must all alleys be deserted? Why can't it be full of people? I blame the government there and so does Scar. Then, an annoying salesman went inside the deep dark alley, that, for some reason, he wanted to go into. Does he have a sixth sense that can tell that a scary looking man that could kill him with just the touch of his hand and has a very big X-shaped scar on his head was in the deep dark alley? Hm…Let us ponder upon this question.

…

…

…

…

…

That's enough pondering. Let's just get back to the story where the salesman will get killed by Scar. "Excuse me, Sir, would you like to buy a bottle of stupidity? Just one sip will make you stupid! It's a wonderful offer! It's just ninety-nine million cenz!"

Scar glared at him. Then at the bottle. The bottle exploded because of its fear of Scar and the salesman just stood there crying like a little girl.

"You…You_ broke_ it!" the annoying salesman said, tears streaming down his eyes, "That was my best friend! We had been inseparable and now, you've killed him!"

Before Scar could say anything, the nameless salesman started jumping for joy and he took out a baboon from his pocket. Now, how did it get there? Oh right, he's a salesman. They can do strange tricks. Besides, this is fanFICTION!

The baboon had dorky-looking glasses on and one of those fake moustaches and beards.

"Baboo! You're my new best friend!" he exclaimed, "Because this is the first day of our close friendship, let's talk to this scary man here who is suffering from depression of something unimportant about kinship!"

Scar shot them a death-glare and 'Baboo' died. Too bad the salesman was still alive. He cried like what other salesmen did whenever they had lost their best friend. He took out a bird from his pocket. "You're my new best friend, Ber, Ber!"

Scar got really annoyed and stole Roy's desk and threw it at the two. They died.

From hearing the sound of wood hitting an annoying salesman and a stupid bird, Riza Hawkeye came and arrested Scar for animal abuse. She couldn't care less of the salesman. Since she ran out of paperwork, she made him do a worksheet she got from a local school nearby. He nearly died from adding all those single-digit numbers. Poor Scar.

He, then, made an escape plan. He broke the window and jumped out, only to find that he accidently landed on Black Hayate. Riza appeared out of nowhere and shot him.

"I'M A GEMINI!!!!" screamed a random man that ran over Scar's body with his bike. Riza shot him for almost making her deaf.

Oh wait, how forgetful of me. She didn't shoot him, she kicked him. And _then_ she shot him.

Riza didn't go to prison because the authoress didn't want her to go to jail and no one else wanted her to go either and their decision wasn't because of any threats or blackmail!

**A/N: Yeah…I didn't receive a challenge do I had to ask my sister very nicely for one *evil smile*. Because of the lack of reviewers, people are allowed to submit challenges more than once! I need sugar now…**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	5. CHALLENGE 4

CHALLENGE # 4

From: **queenclara00**

Words: **sexy, sprinting, carrot, homophone, rage, shinigami (death god), cracker, grammar, lion, cottage** and **antidisestablishmentarianism**

Ed and Al were staying in a cottage owned by the annoying salesman's brother who was an annoying real-estate man/person thingy (1) as they were too tired to continue on their journey to find dying kitties. Hold on, let me re-phrase that. Ed was tired of Al dragging him around the world to save kitties in distress.

"Big Brother, we need to go now! Think of all the poor kitties out there who are starving to death; being run over by cars whose drivers became drunk from drinking too much carrot juice; being eaten by lions whose genders are impossible to tell and such this very moment! We need to go save them now before they all die and become extinct!" Al shouted as he started sprinting towards the door.

DING DONG

Al was already in front of the door. In his mind, he praised himself for being able to stop right then and not hit the door and causing it to break which leads to the cottage falling into bits in some way or another. He answered the door after wasting a few seconds of his immortal life talking to himself.

"You've got mail. You've got mail. You've got mail," the mailman repeated those words over and over again like a broken record player.

"Yay! I've got mail! Finally, the first time after getting this metal body, I've received a letter!" said Al who started dancing with joy.

Ed, who was inside the room and heard what the mailman kept repeating and what Al said, wondered if the mailman was actually was a broken record player in disguise.

Al accepted the letter and was dragged into the room by Ed who got up from the couch and started throwing crackers at him. "If you dare to come back, I will feed you to the Japanese death god Shinigami whoever he is and whatever he looks like!!"

Once Ed had slammed the door in his face, he started scolding Al. "Al! You're not supposed to talk to strangers! Remember the last time you did so? You were kidnapped by that creep who kept shouting 'antidisestablishmentarianism' whenever he saw a church and kept on talking about homophones whenever he saw a bug! No living person alive cares about the correct grammar usage as much as he does…Besides that old lady in 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' and they creep me out! You are not allowed to talk to strangers unless they are sane, understand?"

Al ignored his brother and opened the letter he received from the 'stranger'.

_Dearest Al,_

_I think that you're sexy…I love you!_

_Love,_

_ No One_

Al read the letter. "Big Brother, what does this mean? Why's my letter so short? Who's No One?"

"Al, you're growing up," Ed choked. Then, he fainted. Al went away to save kitties all over the world and left him on the cold hard floor.

**A/N: My fourth challenge ^^ Right...I don't think this story makes sense at all, well, to me anyways…Um…I have nothing else to say…Oh yeah, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!**

**(1) Um…I don't really know what they're called, so…Yeah. Bear with me, please.**

**PLEASE REVIEW and SUBMIT A CHALLENGE!! If you don't, I won't have any and I would have to ask my sister…And then she would steal some of my chocolates and eat them like the last time…Oh well. **


	6. CHALLENGE 5

**CHALLENGE #5**

From: **AquaWatercrest**

Words: **Apples, Tree, Car, Explosion, Bees, Candy, Prince of Tennis (the anime), fire, bald, piano.**

"Big Brother! Guess what I've just learnt?" Al said, popping out of nowhere. But if there was nowhere to pop out of, then how did he pop up? Hm…

"What is it? Wait, don't tell me you transmuted evil and stinky apples and threw them at Scar again! You just did that last week! No wait, I did that…Never mind. What did you do?" his really short elder brother asked.

Al became confused before answering. "Er…Big brother, what exactly did you do?"

"IT WASN'T MY FAULT THAT HE WAS ALLERGIC TO EVIL AND STINKY APPLES!!! AND IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT THAT WAS THE REASON PEOPLE FROM THE ANIME PRINCE OF TENNIS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND AIMED PIANOS AT HIS HEAD!!!" Ed shouted. It was a good thing Al doesn't have any ears or else he could've been dead. Hold on, if he doesn't have any ears, then, how does he hear? This is another one of the Fullmetal Alchemist's unsolved mysteries…Meh, I'll just search the answer on the internet later…Or will I?

"Big brother, what's an anime?" Al asked, confused.

Ed stopped stamping his feet like a little kid and replied his brother in an all-knowing voice, "I don't know. They just said that they were from an anime that showcases tennis, whatever that is, and the supernatural things tennis can do."

Al let out a gasp. "Brother! That sounds just like the philosopher's stone! It can do unnatural things as well! Do you think this 'tennis' is something like the philosopher's stone but it doesn't need to use the lives of innocent…okay not innocent (1) people?!"

Ed rubbed his chin as an old man would do when he's thinking. Wait, does this mean that Ed's old?! "Al, I think that you are right. Let's go find them again! This could be very important. We might get our bodies back!"

Ed and Al danced ring-around-the-rosies in joy.

"But Brother, how are we supposed to get the people from the 'anime' here?" Al asked.

They thought and thought and thought and thought…Meh, you get the point.

Suddenly, bees began to attack them and they suddenly got a great idea. Wow, a new replacement for those fragile light bulbs. Bees.

"We'll just have to repeat what I've done before! Throw evil and stinky apples at Scar and hope that his allergies act up!" Ed shouted.

The two brothers nodded and went to the tree that Ed had transmuted before and picked as many apples as they possibly could.

All they needed to do now was to either find Scar or lure him to where they were.

The two brothers, well…Ed, transmuted a microphone and speakers, but in their time, they don't know what microphones and speakers were, so they called them: thingy with holes (microphone) and thingy that can never shut up (speaker).

Ed and Winry, who popped out of nowhere as well (2), shouted into the speakers saying things like:

"Scar is actually bald! He's wearing a wig that he transmuted from fur balls from the cats Al rescued!"

"He's got no gender!!!"

"He's gay!!"

"Um…He's retarded and his scar is also gay!"

That did it. Scar came out of a trash can that he was currently hiding in from his hear of Lieutenant Hawkeye from accidently killing her dog. Well, it was his fault for being too heavy!! If he weren't that heavy and had watched where he was going, he might not have killed Black Hayate and made Riza so angry that she killed him. It was lucky that his cursed Scar resurrected him.

"You can talk bad about me, but if you say anything about my scar, you will die!" Scar shouted from across the field, still beside his protective trash can.

The three young people started throwing the apples at Scar. His allergies acted up and the cast from the Prince of Tennis came and shot pianos at him and then he exploded.

The Prince of Tennis cast exploded as well, but before they did, they gave Ed a tiny piece of candy that caught on fire as soon as it entered his mouth. He began drinking water as if there was no tomorrow.

That is why the Earth is short on fresh and clean water. Ed drank them all. Well, not all, but you get the point.

Since he ran out of water, he began drinking the nearest source of fluids and since there was none, he ate the nearest things to him: the trash can and Roy's car that happened to be next to them. He ate them and got sent to the hospital as well as the mental institute. Since Al didn't eat any of the metal objects, he was free from the hospital and mental institute.

Scar was resurrected again and then he exploded again. This happened over and over again. That is why we hear thunder. Sort of.

**A/N: Okay! I'm finally done with the fifth challenge! Finally! Thank you Vix, from saving my chocolate from my sister!! Anyways, I'll be skipping school on Thursday and Friday next week because my parents won't leave me alone at home, so they're taking me on their business trip and that means, you can expect updates soon!**

**(1) Not everyone is innocent, right? For all you know, the dog that you've met all those years ago might've been a serial killer! Hahaha...Just kidding.  
**

**(2) Why do they keep popping out of nowhere?! It's irritating! But I was the one who wrote this chap and I don't even know why they keep popping out of nowhere?! I need help.  
**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	7. CHALLENGE 6

**CHALLENGE #6**

From: **stabbythings**

Words: **Ling, paperwork, milk, arrogance, shag carpet** (it's supposed to be two words, but I'll treat it as one here), **kill, gun, teacher, happy **and **song.**

Ling was walking, well jumping, around town, thinking of a way to force a philosopher's stone out of a homunculus.

He stopped his mindless jumping for a while before opening his eyes and then closing them again and then jumping off again to…Somewhere.

* * *

"So, since you've killed Lust, another one of those homunculi, I need your help to find out what'll kill them or hurt them in any way," Ling explained.

"I see. Well, different homunculi have different weaknesses (1). So, we need to test try things out one by one until we find out what it is that they fear," Roy said.

"Yes, but to do that, we'll need a homunculus! Where'll we get a homunculus without getting ourselves killed?" Ling wondered out loud. With his eyes closed. Must his eyes be closed most of the time?

A bright light bulb appeared above Roy's head. By magic. Not alchemy. If it was by alchemy, there would be a transmutation circle somewhere and if the person performing alchemy had seen the 'truth' then there should be a clapping noise somewhere and no clapping noise was heard. Period.

"I think I know how to get one!"

* * *

"Sir, you want me to set Black Hayate free so that homunculi can smell his terrible odor and hunt him down just so that we can catch a homunculi?" Riza asked, annoyed. She loved that dog.

"No! Of course not!" Roy replied. "Aw man! She found out!" he whispered to Ling.

Ling opened his eyes. "Please."

"Die." Riza started shooting him with a bazooka. Black Hayate bit him. And then he started licking him. And then biting again. And then he chewed him. He attempted to swallow him. Ling couldn't fit inside his mouth.

While Ling was being devoured, and Riza was…Playing with her very big gun, Roy was in his corner trying to hide from Riza and her very scary gun.

"Bad boy!" Riza said, aiming her gun at the poor Black Hayate.

Black Hayate yelped before raising his front paws up. He dropped Ling too. Not that anyone cared…Besides those Xing bodyguards whose names I forgot.

"Ow!!" he yelled at her, "That hurt!!"

"Do you still want to use my dog as bait?"

"Um…"

Riza shot him.

"No!"

"Good to hear that."

A light bulb flashed. You know, people are wasting electricity on the little light bulbs that turn on whenever you think of a great idea…Then again, the bulbs are imaginary…

"Sir, you're wasting electricity for turning the lights on and off repeatedly," said Riza.

"I'm in charge here and since you won't let me use your dog, I'll have to find another way to call those homunculi."

Riza attempted to shoot at him before Gluttony came and tried to eat them all. Black Hayate _went_ on him before he had the chance.

Gluttony was now their lab rat, only he isn't a rat; just an oversized homunculus who can't stop eating for some unknown reason that no one asks him about or even to remember to ask him. Is this another one of his 'skills'? Making people forget to ask him of his hobby of eating?

I pity Gluttony for being Roy and Ling's test subjects…

* * *

"Maybe his weakness is that of the Fullmetal Alchemist. He hates milk."

"No," Ling said, feeding an oversized homunculus and oversized bottle of milk. "He's not melting or screaming for help in any way. I think he likes milk."

Roy sat up from his desk and said, "Save the leftover milk for Fullmetal," before shoving his paperwork into Gluttony's mouth.

Riza stepped into the room before he shoved his paperwork into the homunculus' mouth.

"Sir, if you value your life, I suggest you better not try to get rid of your paperwork."

Roy turned to her. "Lieutenant, this is important. This is part of the experiment to kill homunculi. We need to find each of their weaknesses."

Ling opened his eyes. "This is very important. We need this information to save lives. Imagine all the lives of people being saved if his true weakness was paperwork."

"LUUUUUUUUUUSSTT!!!" Gluttony shouted and then he fell into a coma.

The sudden outburst from Gluttony made everyone jump besides the plant at the back of the room that tried to jump but was rooted to its spot because of its roots that was supporting it. Why must it need so much support?

"Well, we now know that paperwork makes him shout 'Lust' and fall into unconsciousness," Ling said, noting the results onto a sheet of the paper in Xingese…Xingan? Xingish? I give up. I don't know the language used in Xing…

"I agree," said Roy who did the exact thing as Ling but wrote notes in English and Japanese to show off.

"Sir, if you write notes in two languages it'll take longer time."

"Never mind. I want to write in two languages so let me write!"

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"I know, but how is that relevant to our topic at hand?"

"If curiosity killed the cat, then arrogance will kill the colonel."

Roy eyed Riza's sniper before turning his back at her and tried to wake Gluttony up.

Roy did some things and Ling as well. No one knows what they did but it resulted in them and Gluttony wearing shag carpets on their heads and dancing to caramelldansen music while singing some happy nursery rhyme. Glasses broke and things exploded before they ended up singing songs they made up.

Riza was the only one who still had her sanity.

Then they ate their shag carpets and got drunk from it and lost their memory for some reason that had nothing to do with milk trying to take revenge on them for planning to feed it to a really short person.

Riza ended up sending them off to a teacher she found in one of the authoress' fanfics called Maya.

Izumi came and spat blood on them.

Aliens took over the world.

Cats ate the aliens.

They died.

The end.

* * *

**A/N: I finally finished this chap! Well, I will be making a chap in my story 'Ms. Maya' including Roy, Ling and Gluttony soon…Right after exams…Or tomorrow. Depends. Anyways, my exams will start next week and, after much persuasion and pleading, I am allowed to use my computer for a while during the weekends. Yay! More chaps!**

**Let's just pretend that each homunculi has each of their own weaknesses, okay?**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	8. CHALLENGE 7

**CHALLENGE #7**

From: **White Time Mage**

Words:** Boots, pie, vampire, spawn, irate, defenestrate, doom, destiny, giggle and Envy.**

"So, now that you've got your body back, do you want to eat that pie you were talking about a while ago?" Ed asked his brother.

"Well," Al said, rubbing the back of his head that was once armor. And now it's not. So now he's shorter and Ed feels slightly happier. Cats can now scratch him mercilessly with him feeling the pain for once. He will also finally get scars. I wonder if he'll get a scar the exact same shape as Scar's. He'll be called Scar the Second then…Wait, so does that mean he likes pain?

"Ed! Al!" Winry called. No! We've already discussed this! His name's not Al anymore!! It's Scar II!!

"Winry," Ed and Scar II said, waving their hands at Winry who was forcing Den to the ground.

"Winry, you're committing animal abuse! Stop that! Den might die!!" Scar II said. He heard a crack.

"You just stepped on a grasshopper and you're not going to jail for insect abuse!" she replied.

"Point taken…Wait, there's no such thing as insect abuse!" argued Al-I mean Scar II.

"If there's animal abuse and child abuse, there should be insect abuse."

"But there is no such thing!"

"Who cares! It might as well exist!"

Ed and Scar II could not find a reasonable counter-back after seeing a wrench in Winry's hands, so they just stood there.

"If you boys just stand there and not come inside, I'll feed you to my pet vampire," Pinako said. She sounded evil. Go Pinako!

Ed and Scar II yelped before running into the house. Den followed them in. Winry threw a wrench at Den. (1)

The poor, poor dog.

* * *

"Winry, that reminds me, will you make the apple pie Gracia made before? She gave you the recipe, didn't she?" Al as-I mean Scar II asked! Ack! So confusing!

"She did," Winry said.

"So you'll make it now?"

"Sure. But I need you to get some of the ingredients for me first."

They nodded.

"I need apples, some other pie stuff, milk-"

"MILK?!" Ed screamed, "YOU PUT MILK IN PIES?!"

"Meh, I just put random things that pop into my mind into what I cook. I don't really follow recipes. May I continue the list?"

Ed nodded.

"Vinegar, nails, oh and don't forget Envy."

"YOU NEED ENVY TO MAKE GRACIA'S APPLE PIE?!" the two brothers screamed.

"No, 'course not! I need him to feed Grandma's pet vampire Edward Cullen!"

"Vampires feed on homunculi?" Ed asked. He was planning on feeding Gluttony to it, but for some reason, Gluttony, Roy and Ling disappeared.

"No, ours does. He gave up human blood but he didn't really like the taste of animal blood so he went for the next best thing: homunculi. But he likes genderless homunculi a whole lot more for some reason."

"Edward Cullen from Twilight?"

"No, he just looks like Edward Cullen from Twilight. Our Edward is a vampire we saved him from his doom by defenestrating him."

"How did throwing him out the window save him?"

"He landed on Envy, crushed him somehow, ate him and then spat him out."

"If he likes to eat Envy all that much then why did he spit him out?" A-Scar II asked.

"Elementary, dear Al," Winry said, trying to imitate Sherlock Holmes, "I was irate because I had a feeling that a certain alchemist destroyed his automail again and I took all my anger out on Envy by stuffing him into Edward because he was the closest thing I could find, besides Nina Tucker's spirit, that could eat things. Besides, Nina's dead and she's just a little girl-chimera-thingy!"

"So after you forced Envy in there again and he liked the taste?" Ed asked.

"No. I just force Envy in there whenever I feel like it. I can't understand Vampirian"

Edward began screaming things in English.

"See? I can't understand a word."

"I see."

They waited in silence for the pie to bake but Edward Cullen kept on shouting cries of help and for them to free him and had to be silenced occasionally by Winry's wrench.

* * *

DING

Ed giggled.

His brother stared at him.

"Big Brother, are you okay? Do you need therapy again?"

"No Al, look at the pie!" I thought we, by 'we' I mean 'I', agreed to call him Scar II! Oh fine, have it your way! Scar II's Al now.

Al (happy?) looked at the burnt pie. There was nothing funny about it. Ed fell on the floor laughing his head off.

"Winry, Big Brother needs to be electrified again! Do you still have the electric eels?"

Winry was pacing back and forth in the room.

"I think so, but he doesn't need it."

"Why not?"

"I think I put laughing gas in the pie. You and I aren't infected because we're not short."

"Oh," Al said, "GRACIA PUT LAUGHING GAS IN HER PIE???!!!"

"Of course not!"

"You know, you could have put edible ingredients in there whenever you want to experiment on something."

"Nah, that wouldn't be any fun."

"So what do we do now?" Al asked. He turned to face his brother, "I think he'll be like that for a while."

"Wanna play a game of kick-a-cat while waiting for the pie to fulfill its destiny of exploding?" Winry suggested.

"Why kick-a-cat? It's animal abuse!"

"It's kind of like soccer, but the ball can move and it can scratch you." (2)

Al thought about the pain he would receive from all the cats who were going to scratch him. "Okay!"

They left Ed and the pie and Edward and Envy alone to play kick-a-cat.

* * *

KABOOM!

The pie exploded. Ed…Was still alive. Envy was still alive and covered in vampire saliva and Edward…Was duct-taped to the ground. Al and Winry were, meanwhile, happily playing a game of kick-the-cat.

* * *

**A/N: Hehehe…We have a holiday today so I thought I could write this…Just another 2 more weeks til I'm free!! Can't wait!**

**Er, I know that Winry's not all that mean, but still…Anyway, no offense to all the Winry fans out there.**

**I would just like to credit my friend Valerie for this quote. Hehehe…**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	9. CHALLENGE 8

**CHALLENGE #8**

From: **sleepoholic**

Words: **towel, sandals, hope, dolphin, bottle, silver, fairy, rocket, lovely and submerged.**

BANG

Riza was firing her gun at Black Hayate. The rest were trying to restrain her or trying to hide Black Hayate somewhere safe, but all they got was a gun pointed at them and a few death threats.

It was the same routine every day. Riza would shoot Black Hayate for eating something or ruining something important, and this day was one of them.

Black Hayate was running around the office, trying to help his owner look for a lovely bottle of champagne. Why she was looking for it no one knows…Although, she was probably going to hit someone's head with it once she runs out of ammo or maybe she wanted to celebrate her boss being kicked out of school.

When Black Hayate thought he had come across a bottle of champagne, he brought it to Roy and accidently set it on fire. Little did he know that that bottle was a bottle of oil.

Half the building caught on fire and all the paperwork did as well. So, as you can guess, Riza was really angry.

"COME BACK HERE!!!" Riza shouted as she chased after her dog.

The poor Black Hayate continued running for his life.

After five or so hours of this, Roy stopped them…Somehow.

He called a meeting in what was left of the building and decided that they all needed to take a break from all this. Plus, it was an excuse to get away from all the paperwork Riza left for him when he was in school.

* * *

The next day, they met up at Hugh's grave for some unknown reason and paid their respects to him before leaving. Black Hayate _went_ on his grave.

They left in a military car because they couldn't find transportation on such short notice. Riza was driving. If they didn't let her, she would kill them in seconds. And besides, if any one of them was the one drive, they'd get into an accident and a bullet to the head.

* * *

Half an hour on driving with very annoying military personnel later…

Havoc was on his thirtieth cigarette. He was smoking one every minute. And with every minute, his life is shortening because of cancer. Aren't there any signs there saying 'Do not smoke'?

Breda was trying a brain teaser on how to get a dolphin to eat a towel. He ended up being pecked by the dolphin and was tied to his seat by the towel that had come to life.

Falman was trying to memorize the value of pi. An infinity number of numbers left to go.

Fuery was tinkering with radios and phones and the mechanical dolphin that had beaten Breda up. One would wonder how the dolphin could fit inside the small car.

Armstrong was forced to sit in the trunk of the car because the little pink sparkles that radiates from his body was blinding everyone. Soon, the whole of Amestris will be blind because of him…

Roy was Roy. Since there were no girls to pick up, he was burning everything he could see. When he tried to burn Black Hayate, Riza aimed her gun at him while driving. He didn't burn it. He was afraid of all the paperwork he had to do after she loses her gun.

"I think we're there!!" Havoc shouted, pointing his fingers and his cigarettes at the beach in front of them.

The car stopped and everyone ran out of the car and onto the beach.

Havoc tripped on his sandals and fell into the ocean. No one noticed. Besides, the part of the ocean he fell in was very shallow. Havoc then ended up drowning…And when he had realized he wasn't drowning, he was attacked by evil bottles. Ed and Al had arrived before them and had accidentally made the empty bottles come to life. And then they left when they saw Armstrong. He was blinding them.

With Havoc out of the way, there was no one there that could be a source of cancer for them. According to research, 75% of the smoke is inhaled by the surrounding people. That means that the people in Central all have cancer. Shouldn't Havoc go to jail for this? He was the cause for them having cancer…

The rest of the gang made sand castles while Havoc was suffering. Somehow, one thing lead to another and fairies came and stole Riza's revolver and annihilated the sand castles. And then Black Hayate ate them.

Black Hayate got a stomach after that. He decided to take a nap in a nearby rocket. It blasted him to the moon.

Why was a rocket on the beach? Well, Al and Ed had thought of getting away from Armstrong by blasting themselves to the moon. And then Ed changed his mind after realizing that he might be the shortest person on the moon and that the aliens might tease him and then eat him. The aliens might also look like cats, resulting in Al taking their side and eating him as well.

"Have you found the chest of silver yet?" Roy asked. After the fairies had vaporized their sand castles, they started digging for treasure.

"Um…Why do we need to dig for silver? Why not gold?" Falman asked.

Roy glared at him. "Because, everyone is digging for gold! I'd be unoriginal of me if I dig for gold as well. Everyone digs for gold. Besides, gold is too shiny. It will blind us like Armstrong does. Silver is less shiny…I think."

Everyone sighed and continued to follow Roy's instructions. Except for Riza. She threatened him with a gun and he let her do whatever she wanted on that beach besides killing. If she killed someone there and then, it would probably be him. If not, an ant.

Ed and Al had given up hope in finding a philosopher's stone on the beach. There was too much sand. Even Al had sunk into the sand every few minutes. Al then transmuted a wall underneath him and he got out of the sand and thrown into the water. He noticed a drowning kitty. He swam toward it and hugged it. Turns out, the cat was Envy and it changed into its true form and they both submerged under the water because of his weight.

Roy and his friends hadn't found any silver by noon. He gave up and decided to swim in the ocean for a while. He got attacked by Al and Envy and then washed onto shore.

The rest of his subordinates buried the unconscious colonel in the sand and went home.

By the time Roy woke up, everyone had gone and fairies were taking their revenge on him for being a colonel and not stopping Black Hayate from eating their friend.

The next day when he went to Central, the same group of fairies came to attack him and then left.

They repeated this process so many times before getting eaten by Black Hayate.

* * *

**A/N: I haven't written anything for a while T.T so I'll make up for it! Holidays start tomorrow!**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	10. CHALLENGE 9

**CHALLENGE #9**

By: **Vix (AquaWatercrest)**

Words: ** Pineapple, Mickey Mouse, bear, hat, light, towel, Boot to The Head, Tae Kwon Leap, lawyers, Disney**

"Al, I'm asking you one more time. Why are you throwing pineapples at everyone?" Ed asked. He strapped his brother to a towel, hoping that the cold towel would give him a cold. (Al got his body back, yay!) Also because, towels were cheap and he got this towel from a sweaty lawyer just down the street… For free. And when I mean 'for free' Ed did nothing that involved using alchemy to turn him to stone or getting a hobo off the street to play a game of rock, paper, scissors with the lawyer to make him lose and be humiliated in front of millions of people.

Al heaved a sigh. How could he confess his greatest secret to his brother? Sure, he loved his brother, but he could never tell him how much he loved cats. "Big brother, I have a confession to make."

Ed strained his ears to listen and probably help his brother like what caring older brothers do.

"The other day, I saw a poor kitty. It was furless! Some evil man shaved him and left him on the streets to fend for itself. I couldn't just stand there and do nothing! I mean, a poor kitty lying in the snow, being attacked by evil mosquitoes! That should be against the law! Kitty abuse by mosquitoes! Mosquitoes should go to jail! Anyways, I shaved my head and stuck my hair to the poor kitty's body. And this hair you see on me now is just a wig that I borrowed from Major Armstrong. Did you know that he's got a gigantic wig collection? I'm pretty sure he'd impersonated almost everyone from the military!"

Ed slapped his head. His brother caring for kitties. Again. Al least he wasn't going to attempt suicide again like he did last time after a cat choked to death while choking on Walt Disney's magical pencil. (Somehow, they Elric brothers went into the future to check whether cats would be extinct by then.) "Yeah, yeah. Touching story; now why are you throwing pineapples at people again?"

Al took a deep breath.

"Al, if you want to play 'Who can hold their breath longest', I'm not in the mood. Not when bears are in danger of extinction because of the new martial art, Tae Kwon Leap, Ling made up," Ed said.

Al exhaled and pouted.

"Well, big brother, the kitty said that pineapples symbolize love and according to his custom to rule the world, we have to throw pineapples to all the people we love so that they die and cats can take over the world! Wait, that doesn't sound right."

Ed sighed and went to the nearest telephone booth to report the evil cat.

Meanwhile, Al was learning a new martial art that was created by Ed. Boot to the Head. Basically, all he had to do was remove his boot and throw it at the target, but it's not as easy as it seems, you have to choose the right boot and you also have to practice taking your boot off very quickly. You also need good accuracy and to know whether the person you had hit is good or bad. Boot to the Head had only been created for the purpose of self-defense. But, so far, other people have used it to kill. Ed, for example, during his visit to the future, nearly killed Barney with his lethal boot. Barney survived.

When Ed came back, Al had taken off the itchy wig and the light that radiated from his bald head made him blind and he nearly tumbled over. Al quickly rushed to aid his brother, but instead made him even more blind (if that was even possible) and Al, in fear of making his brother really, really, really blind, ran away and went to Botak City (1) to take refuge.

In Botak City, every citizen was bald (2). In its wondrous streets, Al could hear the melodic sounds of screaming children running away from razors. In Botak City, there is no need for light as the shiny heads of its citizens are enough to light up the whole city and thus, no light pollution.

In Botak City, no one is left out because everyone there is bald. The males, the females, the cats, the dogs, the fish, the mosquitoes, and every living being known to man are bald. And if you do have hair or hair is growing, there is nothing to fear. Whether rich or poor, hair cuts are always free.

The place sounded like heaven to Al and the good news is that he doesn't even need to wear a hat! More importantly, he wouldn't blind anyone because everyone there is used to the brightness of the bald heads.

Al started life there as a citizen and was soon blinded by all the light.

He was stuck in Botak City because of some paper he signed that states that he could never leave Botak City.

He became forgotten.

* * *

**A/N: T.T I haven't updated this story in months! Sorry! I was kind of waiting for a challenge but I didn't get one… And then I asked Vix ^^ So thank her~ Oh yeah, one more thing. "Boot to the Head" and "Tae Kwon Leap" was made up by the Frantics. I own nothing in there whatsoever.**

**My friend made this up in class when we were supposed to make up cities and travel guides. She was very angry at our English teacher 'Ma'am Audrey' (Sansan, your class calls Mr. Hendry that, right? And you can probably guess who made this…You know which sis right?) at that time for calling her Princess.**

**No offense to any bald people out there.**

**PLEASE REVIEW AND GIVE CHALLENGES!!!**


	11. CHALLENGE 10

**CHALENGE #10**

Words**:** **Ling, Ranfan, date, attack, cats, carpet, Xing, teeth** and **macaroni**

From: **Mika**

Ling had been struggling to ask Ranfan a simple question. He gritted his teeth. The words just wouldn't come out. So far, he had tried asking her twice, but he backed out and asked some random question that Al had asked his precious kitties before.

Attempt number 1:

"Um, Ranfan?" Ling asked. His eyes were closed, like every other day of the week.

Ranfan stopped poking a random distressed abandoned cat in an alley to rush over to her master's side forty kilometers away. She arrived in thirty seconds.

"Yes, Your Highness?" she asked.

"W-w-w-would you," he stammered, "not run so fast? YOU RUN TOO FAST!! WHAT DO YOU THINK'LL HAPPEN WHEN WE ARE IN A MIDDLE OF A FIGHT AND SUDDENLY YOU RUN TOO FAST AND BECAUSE OF YOUR SWIFTNESS, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM IN TURNING AND YOU HIT A FLYING CARPET?!?!?!"

"Your Highness, I won't run slowly. What if you are in danger? I have sworn to protect you. My grandfather and I have sworn to protect you. If we fail, then we'll feed ourselves to Al's cats if we didn't die trying. Besides, there's no such thing as a flying carpet."

"Yes, there is! There is such a thing as a tooth fairy and there is also such a thing as paper! If those exist, then so does flying carpets!" Ling was mentally slapping himself. He wished he hadn't been thinking about the time Al's kittens we're racing one another and got hit by a flying carpet. He grieved over them for months and every day during his grieving period he lectured the remaining cats to keep off the road and other stuff.

Attempt number two:

"Ranfan!!" Ling screamed. This time, they were in Xing, counting stars because for some reason, the stars like Xing better so they decided to shine the brightest in Xing.

"Yes?" she answered. She was right beside him, yet he still insisted on screaming. She was now half-deaf like all his other servants in the castle/palace/mansion/house/gutter.

"W-well, you see, I have always liked the stars and they've always said that being under the night sky is romantic, so, um, would you get me some macaroni? I feel like confessing my undying love to some bowl of macaroni."

"Macaroni?" Ranfan asked, surprised that Ling would want to do such thing but since he _is_ the prince, he might be under a whole lot of stress and that is a very reasonable excuse to go nuts.

Ranfan hopped to the village to get some macaroni and gave it to Ling.

"Thank you, Ranfan. I love you macaroni. Will you love me back and stay in my stomach forever and ever?"

Before the macaroni in his hands could answer, Ling hugged it and plopped it in his mouth.

"Ranfan, get me another macaroni for me to confess my love to." Ling cursed Al for telling his cats that it was okay to marry macaroni because they won't break your heart or something like that and they would be able to move on after you die.

He had messed up twice but not this time, this time he was ready. He was much readier than two and a half hours ago. He was so much readier.

"Ranfan, there's something I've always wanted to ask you."

"Hn?" Ranfan asked.

Ling took a really deep breath.

He took another really deep breath.

And another.

And another.

And one more.

Ranfan whacked his head.

Ling cried. "Ranfan, would you please protect me from macaroni if they ever come and try to take revenge on me in some way for eating their friends/children?"

"Of course, but, it is kind of your fault for eating all the macaronis you've confessed your love to."

"HEY! You're supposed to be my bodyguard! Why are you defending them?! WHY DO YOU LOVE THEM MORE THAN ME?!?! I'M YELLOW TOO! AND I DON'T HAVE EYES…Okay, I do, but they're always closed, but it counts, right?"

Ranfan slapped her head and said nothing.

"And that wasn't really what I wanted to ask you. What I wanted to ask was: Will you go on a date with me?"

Before Ranfan had a chance to answer, (Ling didn't eat her) Ling fainted. Apparently, he had been in shock. But, wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?

Cats came and tried to attack the unconscious Ling. He sleep-fought and then ate more macaroni.

While he was in his hospital bed for the bruises he got for fighting cats, macaronis on flying carpets attacked him with the help of tooth fairies.

Ranfan courageously fought them and gave them all candy for their attempts in trying to fight them and were sent to Dracula who just got his dentist's license recently.

After two hours of painful and loud screaming, they all came out of Dracula's office with really nice sharp fangs.

* * *

**A/N: Yayyyy!! I'm done with this chapter, um, this is kind of short compared to the other challenges… but at least I've managed to finish it… I don't really have much to say… so… yeah.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!! **


	12. CHALLENGE 11

**Challenge #11**

From**: theaterinspired**

Words**: ****gun, desk, phone, paper, cup, platypus, tinfoil, window, flower, snow + aliens** (I forgot this in the previous challenge)

"Big Brother?" Al asked, hiding something under the desk.

"Al, if you're asking to keep another homeless cat, then my answer is no. You've already got, like, five or something. You've even given them unmemorable abnormal names.

"I've got ten! And Froggy, Puggy, Peggy, Harpy, Gu-ee, Pipi, Pumi, Oinky, Purpig and Jerry (1) are not abnormal names!"

Ed slapped his forehead.

"Peggy and Jerry aren't abnormal names, just the rest. Who would call their cat Froggy or Oinky? And what sort of name is Gu-ee?"

Al started to tear up. "THEY'RE SPECIAL NAMES!" He ran to the desk he was previously using to hide something.

After banging on it several millions of times with one of his special cats wrapped in tinfoil, he took out some paper and a pen.

"What on earth are you doing?" Ed asked after a whole four hours of watching his brother bang the table with his cat.

"I was testing out Gu-ee's protective gear. Now I'm writing a note to Santa."

"Protective gear?" Ed eyed the beaten-up cat in a coma and the tinfoil around it. "Since when was tinfoil protective gear?"

Al lifted his head from his note. "Since my soul became tied to this shiny suit of armor that has protected me from so many bad things. Tinfoil is shiny too."

Ed eyed the poor remains of the cat after being banged on the cold, hard table so many times.

"I don't think the protective gear is working and I think your pet is dying."

Al glared at Ed before looking over at his injured cat. He then shouted 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' very dramatic-like and then left it to die.

"Big Brother, I want a new pet now. I'll go scavenge the deep dark alleyways for a poor cat in need of a home," Al said, heading for the door.

Ed transmuted a giant wall made of paper cups.

"NO. MORE. CATS."

Al pouted. "But Big Brother-"

Al was cut short. His brother took out a giant cage: in it, was a green platypus. (2)

"I found him in a big flowery field. You know, the one movie directors use in scenes where people run in slow motion and then hug each other or do something extremely romantic?" Ed said.

Al's eyes lit up and danced around in triangles, holding guns on each hand, waving them around in the air and shooting at every possible speck of dust in that room. "Big Brother! Thank you so much! I've always wanted an abnormally green platypus that looked as if it was a secret agent that travelled in time to stop a not-very-evil evil villain planning to take over a very cool place called the Tri-State Area, whatever that is, I LOVE IT SO MUCH! THANK YOU SO MUCH BIG BROTHER!"

Al squeezed his brother. He was still shooting at specks of dust.

Just then, the phone rang.

"Hello? I'm busy being squished by my brother right now. Whaddya want?" Ed shouted into the phone.

"Squished?" replied Mustang on the other line, "Are you two wrestling over there?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALLER THAN HIS OWN OVER-SIZED YOUNGER BROTHER WHOSE SOUL IS TIED TO A SHINY SUIT OF ARMOR?"

"You. Anyways, I'm just calling to tell you I found an ugly man throwing balls of snow at my window saying that he'll take over something or someplace called the Tri-State Area. He annoyed me and I put him in jail, so I was wondering if you guys wanted to join me over at my office to have a barbecue. I'm planning to shish kebab all prisoners in jail to have a cannibalism-themed party to celebrate my birthday. Wanna come?" Roy asked while scribbling noted and signing stacks of paperwork handed down to him by Riza.

Ed replaced the receiver.

"Al, let's get started on our letters to Santa now," Ed called out.

Al stopped shooting. "What about the colonel? What did he want?"

"Something, but Santa is more important than him. Let's go write letters now."

_Dear Santa,_

_I didn't get the kitties that I wanted last year so there won't be any cookies for you. This year, my brother and I both want the same thing: aliens crashing into Earth and stopping Colonel Mustang from burning people up and then eating them. We value everyone's lives._

_If you don't give us that for Christmas this year, Ed will go to the North Pole and have a very_ polite _conversation with you that does not involve violence or anyone dying. I hope._

_I love you Santa, _

_Al_

**A/R: (Just in case I haven't explained yet, I realized the little footnotes at the end aren't really notes but rants, so yeah. It's not A/N anymore.)**

**I haven't updated this in like, what, 2 months? I'm sorry I haven't updated for a while and I haven't updated once this holiday until now. I've been pretty busy lately this holiday and I had writer's block and now my cousin thinks that snails can become butterflies and that balloons can become old. Baby-sitting is hard work.**

**Credit for the names goes to my friend.**

**I like Phineas ans Ferb, but I love Perry. He's my favourite character~~**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	13. CHALLENGE 12

**CHALLENGE #12**

From: **JJ334**

Words: **giraffe, water, banana, refrigerator, work, notebook, sad, cry, paper,** **handkerchief**

**

* * *

**

"I wonder if giraffes can shrink," Ed thought, "That way, I'd be so much taller than them and _they're _the ones people would call pipsqueak or whatever nickname people give me to tease me about my height."

"Well, why don't we do that today? I mean, since we have nothing better to do and all and I really want to pet giraffes! They look so fluffy!"

Ed glared at his brother.

"I am so embarrassed of you."

Al cried.

Al cried all the way to the zoo too.

People around them were staring at the duo. After a whole five seconds of that, they glared at Ed. Then they gave Al lots of attention and bananas. They were afraid too much candy would give him diabetes and then shorten his life span. He was already going through so much pain and diabetes would ruin that day for him even more.

"Thank you, strangers," Al smiled.

The strangers smiled back at him.

"Al, what did I say about talking to strangers?" Ed crossed his arms and tapped his left foot.

"I'M SORRY!" Al burst into tears again.

Ed sighed, shook his head, handed his brother a handkerchief. "Here, wipe your tears in this and then wait for it to dry before wrapping your bananas in it. You'll drop them if you carry them in your hands."

Al finally stopped crying, took the handkerchief and hugged his brother.

"You're the best big brother ever!"

Aw.. So cute!

Everyone witnessed the scene and then fainted in awe.

They were the cutest siblings ever!

Then again, they were like five and six years old and that was part of their cuteness.

A short dude hugging a walking, talking armor with weird red doodles on his shoulders was never and will never be cute. Just sweet, that's it.

How would _you_ feel if you were caught hugging your imaginary friend who lives and breathes as armor? Awesome, don't you think?

"I'm going to bathe the giraffe, pet the giraffe, poke the giraffe, bathe it again, put pajamas on it, feed it water, cuddle it, love it, pretend I'm its doctor, give it medicine, more water and then I'll teach it to swim and all the table manners you taught me! Oh yeah, I'll also teach it some business stuff so it can go work and support us unlike our useless father who left us. Then it would be the best giraffe ever! And it would be the coolest giraffe ever born! I love you Raffee!"

The whole time Al said that, Ed was daydreaming about something else. He didn't need to waste his thinking time listening to what Al would do. He could always just watch Al from a place which has the best view of him about one hundred feet away from him. He didn't need to be noticed or laughed at.

"Hey Al, I think you should stop strangling the poor giraffe. We still need to go to the zoo, you know." Ed waited for a second for Al to follow him. Al was still thinking of a comeback. Ed shrugged his shoulders and started walking.

"But I'm not strangling Raffee! It's called _hugging_!" Al corrected, running to catch up with his brother who was two million yards away from them, calculated Raffee.

"Big brother! Raffee said you were two million yards away from me! He can count! He's a genius! I love him even more now!" Al said as he caught up with his brother.

"Al. I wasn't two million yards away from you. That was too far. I was just several paces in front of you when you started running after me. If I were it'd take months for you to catch up to me."

"But Raffee's a Math prodigy! And you… you're not that smart."

Ed threw a fit as he walked through the zoo entrance.

A sign caught his eye.

TREE FIGHTS TREE

TODAY ONLY

"Wanna see a tree beat up another tree?" Al asked.

Ed's face softened from the ugly monster-looking one to a small boyish smile.

"Let's."

They walked towards a big building that was the exact replica of the coliseum.

"Go Green Tree!" Al shouted.

"Go Ugly Old Brown Tree!" Ed screamed louder than Al.

They were both reading the cards the stage girls in front of them were holding.

"I bet that Green Tree would beat Ugly Old Brown Tree," Al said to Ed.

"Green Tree would beat Ugly Old Brown Tree hands down. The Ugly Old Brown Tree looks so old!" Ed said.

"But you just cheered for him! How could you just abandon him!"

"What do you mean? I was telling the ugly tree to go away. Notice the 'go' before the ugly brown tree's name."

Silence.

"Anyways, since this probably won't be much of a fight we might as well doodle a different scenario and then use alchemy to make whatever we draw come to life!"

Al smiled. He took out his notebook and ripped out a few pages of it.

"Al, your notebook paper's too small. We can't draw much here."

"What if we draw really small pictures?"

"It wouldn't be much of a fight if we can't see the fighters."

"What if we just draw small pictures but make the paper monsters bigger?"

"We wouldn't be fulfilling the Equivalent Exchange Rule. You can't get something big from something small."

Al frowned. He hated the rule so much.

"I say we call it a day and bribe Bob to give us candy and snacks. We deserve as much," Ed said.

"Can we go get some food for Raffee too?"

"You embarrass me so much, Al. In ways you will never know and can never change."

* * *

**A/N: A challenge finally up! :D**

**After maybe two or more months.. Hehhehe.. Sorry for the long hiatus.. Hehhe.. Prepare for another long one XD**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	14. CHALLENGE 13

**CHALLENGE #13**

Words: **Ding dong, doorbell, Roy Mustang, gun, twitching, Edward Elric, paperwork, desk, squeaky, cat **

From: Princess Marauder

**Roy** **Mustang** was asleep on the couch. Apparently, the stupid **cat** he volunteered to shelter to impress his his subordinates of how awesomely kind he was was one of those **cats **which was brought up in an environment where every **cat** was for themselves and brain beats brawn almost every time.

Roy underestimated the **cat**. Beyond it's cute and fluffy exterior was a conniving fluffy beast that had plans to ruin each and every one of its owner's lives one by one, day by day.

He rubbed the back of his neck. Stupid **cat** pooed and peed (1) on his bed to keep it all to itself. If only Hawkeye were there at the time. She would have shot its fluffy rectum and anus to prevent it from doing its business. Or at least, stop the business from coming out. Permanently.

He kept calling the cat fluffy. Wasn't that supposed to be a compliment? He groaned. Complimenting a person without knowing it as a compliment and meant it to be an insult was a sign of falling in love in those lovey-dovey dramas.

His neck was sore. He should have gotten comfier couches. He got off the couch and went to his room. The cat was still duct-taped to the floor. Good.

He wasn't cleaning material and he couldn't clean anything if he tried. Him and water don't mix. But he still has to take showers though.

He had a flashback of the time he had just started learning flame alchemy. As part of the training he had prepared for himself, he wouldn't take any showers for at least a month if he was to be committed to his powers.

But basically, it was just an excuse to not take a bath. The minute he touches water, he would be beaten by his arch enemy: water.

As his flashback ended, he heard the **ding dong** sound the cat was making. The cat somehow ate the **doorbell** while it was still taped to the ground. Roy scratched his chin. Maybe this is one of those cats that had could perform alchemy too.

Someone was rapping at the door and screaming colorful words at him. Apparently he really had a guest and whoever it was, it didn't like to be kept long, loved pretty words and couldn't shut up.

The guest was impatient enough to blow up Roy's door.

"You're going to need to pay for that, you know," Roy said, pointing at the annihilated remains of the door.

"Don't care. Send yourself the check and manage it yourself. Al forced me to come here to pick up the homeless cat you adopted. He didn't trust you and thought you were going to eat it or something," Ed replied, going back out the door to pull something inside.

"Send myself the check? You want me to _pay_ for the damage you've done? Isn't that a little unfair?" Roy complained. He waited for Ed to come back in.

"You signed our contract, remember?" Ed retorted, throwing Roy a rolled sheet of yellowed paper.

_I, **ROY MUSTANG,** HEREBY AGREE TO PAY FOR AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHATEVER THE AWESOME MAN EDWARD ELRIC AND HIS NOT-AS-AWESOME LITTLE BROTHER ALPHONSE ELRIC. I REALLY AM **ROY MUSTANG,** NOT DRUNK IN ANY WAY. I SIGNED AND MADE THIS CONTRACT OUT WHILE I WAS PERFECTLY CONSCIOUS AND BEING MY NARCISSTIC SELF. I ADMIT THAT EDWARD ELRIC IS AN AWESOME PERSON AND THE BEST ALCHEMIST EVER KNOWN TO MAN._

_P.S. I MADE THIS ON A DARE. IF YOU GUYS USE THIS AGAINST ME IN ANY WAY, I'LL FRY YOU ALIVE, IF YOU HADN'T DIED BEFORE THEN. I HAVE A VIOLENT **GUNS-**HOLDING ASSISTANT WHO WOULDN'T MIND KILLING PEOPLE IF I TOLD HER TO. I WILL TELL HER TO. YOU TOUCH THIS PAPER AFTER THIS TRUTH OR DARE GAME IS OVER, YOU'D BETTER WATCH OUT._

_P.P.S. I'M IN LOVE WITH RISA HAWKEYE._

_P.P.P.S. I'M EVEN MORE IN LOVE WITH BLACK HAYATE._

_P.P.P.P.S. I'M NOT GAY AND IF I EVER BECOME ONE, I OWE ED AND AL ICE-CREAM FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES AND THEY GET TO USE ME AS A SLAVE FOR AS LONG AS THEY WANT TO._

_SIGNED,_

_**ROY MUSTANG**_

"WHAT THE HECK?" Roy screamed, "Didn't you read the first Post Script? It said that I'll kill you if you use this against me."

Ed finally came back and faced him so he was face-to-face with Roy's shoulders. "Yeah, but I've got permission to use it."

"And who the heck is that?"

"Let me give you a hint. It's the same person who asked me to give this to you."

Ed pulled a wagon filled with paperwork of all sorts into the living room.

"Hawkeye wants me to bring home my work now? Isn't that a little unfair?"

"She wrote you a note, too."

_COLONEL, THIS IS FAIR. YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR WORK MORE SERIOUSLY. I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT, BUT I WANT ALL THIS PAPERWORK DONE BY TOMORROW. I'M EXPECTING YOU TO BRING IT TO THE OFFICE IN PERFECT CONDITION. IF SO YOU WERE TO 'ACCENTLY' BURN ONE OF THESE IMPORTANT PAPERWORK, YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF THAT DOCUMENT, PERSONALLY APOLOGIZE TO THEM IN A BUNNY COSTUME AND ASK FOR THEIR APOLOGY. BEG IF YOU HAVE TO. JUST AS LONG AS YOU GET ANOTHER COPY OF THE SAME PAPERWORK._

_PEACE OUT DUDE!_

"Al added the 'peace out' bit at the bottom. He thought that this world needed more love and peace and other hippie stuff."

Roy was already twitching. First the cat, now paperwork. Why did the world hate him so much? What did he do to deserve such torture? He held back his tears. He was a man. He wasn't going to cry. No girl will scare him into doing things he doesn't want to do.

But then again, he didn't want to embarrass himself and ruin his reputation as a charming young colonel.

"Rest assured. Hawkeye made me bring this just in case you talk both me and yourself out of this paperwork."

Roy looked at the desk Ed was now dragging into the room. He had no excuse now. "You're going to help with the paperwork too?"

"Well, in a sense, yes. The whole world is now spreading news about global warming and how to stop it. Hawkeye made me recycle some of the useless paperwork. I get to doodle on the back pages and come up with speeches here."

Roy muttered, "Stupid colonel position," before taking a seat on the chair Ed transmuted.

"The chair's kinda squeaky, don't you think?" Roy asked, pushing and pulling his chair as he stood up to waste time and make a thorough examination of the chair.

"Nah, that's just your cat. You duct-taped it's mouth too so it can't meow at all now." Ed stared at the fluffy cat being tortured by sticky tape. Surely, it can live 'til morning in that state. Besides, why do it now when you can do it later?

Roy grumbled. There goes a distraction. It was going to be a long night.

**A/R: I finally updated! Yay! :D:D**

**Is it just me or has my writing style changed a bit.. not really style, but the atmosphere of the story.. this one seems.. less off. Oh well. Must be because of my writing hiatus. You don't know how cruel the new year has been to me. My laptop can't turn on unless I shake it first and my Microsoft Word doesn't work anymore. All my laptop problems started when I asked my dad to install Microsoft Office into my laptop because the trial version just expired and he installed an Operating System instead... I love Open Office. It saved my life. Hahahhaha XD until next time~~**

**Yeah, notice how almost all of my challenge chapters have mentions of excretions? Well, the mentions in the previous chapters were because I needed something very, very disgusting and nothing came up in my mind besides nitrogenous wastes XD but the mention in this one was because I was having a conversation with my friend about it while I was writing this.. Heheheheh.. XD**


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